Sunday, May 20, 2012
Dear Blogger,
17 more days and holiday is end.So fast and yet so slow.LOL!What am I saying right now?I am insane.Seriously,seeing one by one my friends are going to graduate from their either foundation,matrix,Form 6 or A-level course makes me a bit useless.BECAUSE I STILL STUCK IN DIPLOMA!They using the most form 6 two years to finish and me?3 years.Man!Seriously,I feel stupid.I feel idiot.I feel like a slow-learner.Everybody is graduate faster than me.Besides,I really want to find someone to talk to recently.!SASA!When Are You going FINISH your A2?!!Feel shock of figuring something out and feel like want to have a long crying night but of course I won't.I tell myself never cry.Be positive abut everything happen in your life!Arghh!~!! I think I am totally out of my mind now.Don't bother me.I am insane.
Wednesday, May 9, 2012
Random
Dear Blogger,
Aloha!I am back.LOL.My holiday left one more month only.I think a lot of things recently.Firstly,I think about my future.I keep on asking what shall I do in the future?What should I become in the future?What is the purpose of me working hard right now?Then,there is an answer pop in my mind.I keep telling keep comforting myself,i have to study hard so that in the future I can earn a lot of money and change my parent's hard life to the best.I want give them the best.This is the first answer pop in my mind every time I am struggle in my studies.No matter how hard is it,I always use this reason to push myself.I want to see their smile when they saw my result every time.When I see their smile,every things is worth no matter how hard or how it torture my life.Actually,I am not a person that good in studies.Seriously,my feeling to study is just normal.Because i am the youngest at home,I keep seeing the failure of my sisters in their studies and the disappointment on my parent's face,that why I am study so hard.My brother and sisters are smarter than me.Only they met the wrong friends at first so everything turn out bad.I feel pity but at least they are awake after they left secondary school.I feel relief.But somehow,when I asking myself one time at jogging,i ask myself to think deeply what I actually want,but it's still the same answer pop in my mind.I study hard because of my parents.But what my mum said was right before this.She told me don't study because of them.Study for yourself.They will not always be with me.In the future,I have to fight for myself.They can't always accompany me.I don't want worry about me.I don't like they worry about me.One day,when jogging,I told my mum I was worried about the next semester then she asked me why.I answered her that I scared I had no enough money to use since I have to pay for the rental around RM 960 and my loan is only RM 2500.I still haven count my school fee and those new books I have to buy.She told me not to worry because she said she would help me paid for the rental.I keep pushing keep rejecting tell her I don't need it.I still can survive even she don't give me money.I told her I would brought a lot of food with me before I go back study.However,she keeps told me don't worry about the rental.She will pay for me.At that moment,I feel useless.I already loan money and I still take money from my parents then what for I loan the money??!!Instead of arguing with her,i begin to silent.I decide to keep the money she gave me and try to use my loan to pay for the rental.If I able to survive,I will do it for the rest of my semester and when I finished semester,I will give back all the money to her.May god bless me.I believe I can do this.Besides,I am stuck in choosing path for degree.i still struggling.But maybe in the future I will get an answer.I pray for God for leading me to that answer and tell me what I actually want.
Aloha!I am back.LOL.My holiday left one more month only.I think a lot of things recently.Firstly,I think about my future.I keep on asking what shall I do in the future?What should I become in the future?What is the purpose of me working hard right now?Then,there is an answer pop in my mind.I keep telling keep comforting myself,i have to study hard so that in the future I can earn a lot of money and change my parent's hard life to the best.I want give them the best.This is the first answer pop in my mind every time I am struggle in my studies.No matter how hard is it,I always use this reason to push myself.I want to see their smile when they saw my result every time.When I see their smile,every things is worth no matter how hard or how it torture my life.Actually,I am not a person that good in studies.Seriously,my feeling to study is just normal.Because i am the youngest at home,I keep seeing the failure of my sisters in their studies and the disappointment on my parent's face,that why I am study so hard.My brother and sisters are smarter than me.Only they met the wrong friends at first so everything turn out bad.I feel pity but at least they are awake after they left secondary school.I feel relief.But somehow,when I asking myself one time at jogging,i ask myself to think deeply what I actually want,but it's still the same answer pop in my mind.I study hard because of my parents.But what my mum said was right before this.She told me don't study because of them.Study for yourself.They will not always be with me.In the future,I have to fight for myself.They can't always accompany me.I don't want worry about me.I don't like they worry about me.One day,when jogging,I told my mum I was worried about the next semester then she asked me why.I answered her that I scared I had no enough money to use since I have to pay for the rental around RM 960 and my loan is only RM 2500.I still haven count my school fee and those new books I have to buy.She told me not to worry because she said she would help me paid for the rental.I keep pushing keep rejecting tell her I don't need it.I still can survive even she don't give me money.I told her I would brought a lot of food with me before I go back study.However,she keeps told me don't worry about the rental.She will pay for me.At that moment,I feel useless.I already loan money and I still take money from my parents then what for I loan the money??!!Instead of arguing with her,i begin to silent.I decide to keep the money she gave me and try to use my loan to pay for the rental.If I able to survive,I will do it for the rest of my semester and when I finished semester,I will give back all the money to her.May god bless me.I believe I can do this.Besides,I am stuck in choosing path for degree.i still struggling.But maybe in the future I will get an answer.I pray for God for leading me to that answer and tell me what I actually want.
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