Monday, December 27, 2010
Sometimes~
Sometimes.I really feeling me not like me.Sometimes i feel i just a doll which can easier can control by others.Sometimes I don't feel like i am not belongs to this family to this earth and to this world.Sometimes i am thinking negatively about everything.So,I have to be apologize to Jesus EVERY TIME.Sometimes,I am tired to live on this earth.Sometimes,I am tired of the people surrounding me because i have to act in front of them.Sometimes,I have to show my sweetest smile to them although my heart has hurt deep by them in the same time.Sometimes,i have to lie them that sand enters my eyes or the food is too spicy when my one of my tears drop without my knowing.Sometimes,they believe my lying but sometimes they not.Sometimes,i feel like i have no choice in my life.Every time i did any decision or choice,i have to think of my parents choice.I know and I get it i am not a good daughter.I cannot reach your goal and I know you have put so much hope on me.Sometimes,i cry under my blanket without anyone knowing because sometimes i am feeling to depressed.Sometimes,i am scare in enter adult world.Sometimes,i wish to enter it too.Sometimes,the adult world looks scary and sometimes it looks fun too.But who can answer all my sometimes?Nobody know and only god know.Conclusion,i tell myself not to think too much and believe them and give them all your trust because they are the person who has a strong bond with you."NO PAIN NO GAIN,NO GUT NO GLORY"In this curious world,there are still having question that never be answer by human although how smart or how genius you are.So never laugh or look down at those people who are lack of studying because they are human being that like you too.God is always fair to everyone.
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Weirdness
My right hand feel numb today.I drop things recently.Everything I hold mostly will drop.I don't know why.Sometimes,my right hand feel pain.I really want to know what happen to my right hand.I ever hurt my hand before with hitting by a softball bat.But that is left hand how come now is right hand?how come?I discover my right palm has two purple blood vessels just now.I am shock.Who can tell me what happen to my hand?
XOXO,
Belle;(
XOXO,
Belle;(
Friday, December 17, 2010
My story(1)
The sky is so dark enough to let the star sparkling with their maximum brightness.It is so gorgeous.I am sitting on the bench watching the beautiful star in the wilderness sky.This makes me feel relax.Suddenly,I hear someone is calling my name.I try to find where is the voice comes from.I walk toward the voice.I hear"Cristina,please come back now!don't leave us alone!CRISTINA!"Then,slowly i open my eye with all my strength left.I see my mum is crying and same going to my friends.Nobody is with the dry eyes."where am I?"i asking myself."Why everybody is crying?"My mum hug me so tightly when they see i wake up.They keep saying"dear,finally you have come back!"Everybody stop crying and i see their lips curled upwards into a smile.Some of them even burst out laughing.I feel so weird.I feel so strange.What is happening to me?And why are they crying?Then,my body goes limp and I fall asleep again.When I wake up,I discover myself is in my own room on my bed.I feel really full now because i have get enough sleep.I get myself out from my bed.I open the door and walk down the staircase.I see my mum in the kitchen.She see me with her most warmest smile.
Mum:Are you okay now?How do you feel now?I have prepared you some vegetable and fruit salad and chicken pie.Is it okay for you?
I:I feel alright now,mum.Those food is okay for me.
Mum:alright.Faster get ready yourself and I will send you to school.
I:huh?i thought it is holiday now.
Mum:n...n..No..It already end holiday.
I:is it?alright then.I go change my school uniform now.
I walk to the stair while looking at my mum.I can hear my mum is chock with tears.I am so worry.What is exactly happen right now?I ask myself.The most shock me is when the tears flow out from my beloved mum eyes.That is what damn shock me.I pretend I don't see anything and step by step walk into my room.I really feel something wrong.I change my pajamas into school uniform and walk into the kitchen.I take my favourite chicken pie and some vegetable salad,then my mum send me to school.I arrive at school.I go to the notice board and find my name at Form 4 name list.It is so terrible because i cannot find my name in every class.Then,someone call me.Is my friends,Sarah and Jenny.
Sarah:Eh,Cristina.No need to find anymore.You are same class with us:)
I:really??(happy)
Jenny:Yupp.Let's go now.The bell is ringing.Class is going to start
I follow Sarah and Jenny to the classroom.I feel so strange because they bring me to the Form 5 Newton 1.I say..
I:Aren't we Form 4 this year?why are we here?Here is Form 5 block.
Jenny and Sarah look so shock.They whisper among themselves.I really think they are retarded by bringing me to Form 5 class.
Jenny:Cristina,we have ended our form 4 last year.Don't you remember?Today is the new year.
I:NO..We are Form 3 last year(protest with anger)
Sarah:Cristina,Are you sure you recover now?
I:Huh?Do i sick?
Sarah:last time you.............
Jenny close Sarah's mouth in a sudden and say
Jenny:No.You are no sick.Let's get into the class now.We also shock when we see our name at form 5 name list.Maybe we are too smart so no need to study Form 4:)
I:Owh.Okay
I feel weird about their response when i say we are in Form 4 class.Am i wrong?What actually happen to me?I walk into the class.Everyone give me a strange look.I sit beside Jenny.Teacher come in.I have my Physic class.Two hour and half past.It's recess time.I am having my cheese cake with Jenny and Sarah.Suddenly,a girl come.Without a word,She throw my cheese cake.
Sarah:What the heck are you this bitch doing?
Abby:I?Are you blind?You can't see what i doing?I am throwing her cheese cake.I help her on diet.
Jenny:Abby,You are over!
Abby:I over?!She snatch my boyfriend!I just throw her cake you say I am over?!Fuck you!
I am still blur at there while jenny and Sarah is quarrel with that girl call Abby.I don't know who is her?and why she say I have snatch her boyfriend?I never have boyfriend until now.Impossible I snatch her boyfriend?!Then,I see Abby is holding a chair.I am dumbfounded because she is throwing the chair toward me.The chair is getting nearer and nearer.Suddenly,A boy hold me under his arm and help me block the chair.The chair hit him.I frighten because i see the blood flows out drop by drop from his back.His white uniform has turn into bloody red colour.He is still hugging me.His hand is warm against my wrist.I wonder he can feel my pulse jump.His dark,beautiful eye lock on mine.His eye is so familiar but I really don't know who is him.However,I am so traumatised.He pull me out from his arm.
Mick:Abby!stop it!
Abby:Mick,You are bleeding.I bring you to infirmary.
Mick:NO NEED!!and STOP DISTURBING CRISTINA!
Abby:I..I..
I see Abby cry and run out from the class.The boy call mick turn to me..
Mick:are you okay?You have really shock me.
He suddenly hug me tightly.I never know this guy.I push him away and give him a slap.
I:who are you?!Don't simply touch me!I never know who are you!
Mike:I am mike,Cristina.Don't you remember.We know each other since last year.
I:I don't know you.And please go to infirmary.You are bleeding.
Mike:you are still worry me..
I:I just don't want anything happen to you because you have safe me just now.Don't think too much,okay?
I walk away from there.I sit on the bench at canteen and then I try to think who is that girl and boy.thirty minute past.Class start again.I continue my study and walk back home with Sarah and Jenny.Sarah and Jenny tell my mum my situation in school.Then,I have been bring to general hospital.I waiting outside the room while my mum is discussing my condition with the doctor.one hour past.We go back home.I am so mad and say
I:what is happening to me?What do you guys hide from me?What don't all of you be honest to me?
Mum:I..Dear,You promise me you have to be calm down okay?
I:okay.
I try to calm down to hear my mum explanation.I hear carefully every word she say.
Mum:Cristina,you had met an accident last two month.I mean when you walk back from school.A car lost his control in a sudden and knock down you.There a lot of blood flow out form your body.Then,You had been rush to the hospital.Luckily,the operation had been run sucessfully.But just now the doctor tell me that you have lost your memory for last whole year.But just temporarily okay?temporarily,don't worry k,dear?
I am dumbfounded.I am shock.Totally shock.I run out from the hospital.I hear them call me but I ignored them.I keep thinking what did I do for past one year?Do i miss something?I really can't remember anything.Coastal clouds slowly begin to roll across the evening sky,turning silver with the reflection of the moon.It sign of night time is reach.I walk back home.My mum open the door for me.
Mum:where are you going??You know how worry am i?Do you hungry?Do you want to eat something?
I turn a deaf ear.I ignored what my mum say and go into the room.I take my bath and lay on the bed.I keep thinking how am i going to face everyone and my life tomorrow?Two hour past.An idea pop out from my head.I tell myself i have to find back all the memory I lost.I tell myself,I tell myself until i fall asleep.The next morning.sunlight penetrating through my window and bids chirping happily around the sky.I get down the bed.I dressed myself into school uniform and walk down toward the kitchen.I say morning to my mum.
Mum:morning,dear:)
I:mum,can i have some lasagna for this morning?I feel like want to have it as breakfast.
Mum:alright.Just wait a moment.
Mum look really happy.I take my mouth watering lasagna and go to school.On the way there,I meet Mick.
I:Why are you here?Do you live here?
Mick:no.
I:then?
Mick:just want to see how yours condition.Sarah has told me everything.
I:I am okay now.You can get away from me now.
Mick:I know you have loss your memory.I will help you to find them back,okay?(hold my hand tightly)
I:Pull out your hand!What the heck are you doing?
Without a word,Mick pull me toward him and kiss me.I am shock and i want to get out from him but I can't.He hold me too tight.When his lips touch mine,it is soft and gentle.His kiss is sweet and familiar too.It is like we have did this before many times.I cannot control myself not to kiss him back.Its like he has controlled my lips and my body.I don't care whether other people stare at us or not.In my mind,I tell myself I need him.I need his lips,I need his body and I need everything about him.My heartbeat skip double times.Slowly,we stop.I open my eyes slowly and see his blue dark eyes.I am breathless.I am lack of oxygen.I need to gasp for some air.
Mick:I love you.And I really really do.
I:I..I..I am sorry but i really cant remember who are you.I only know you are a boy call Mick.I don't even know other thing about you.(I still gasping for air)
Mick:You no need to know about me.Because i will let you feel about me...
i am speechless when he say those words.My heart beat more than double times.
Mick:let's go school.We are late.From now on,I will accompany you go school everyday.:)
He hold my hand and we run to school.His palm is warm and what shock me is I like it so much.I hope this guy call Mick will hold my hand forever.Then,we reach school.Mick see me enter my class then he go back to his class.I sit down and the class start.Recess time.Sarah and Jenny come to me.
Sarah:Have you remember something?Why do you come with Mick?
Jenny:yupp.Do you remember anything?
I:I don't.Mick is waiting near my house this morning.He follows me go school.
Sarah:Owh.It's okay then.I thought you remember something.
I smile with my sweetest smile at her.Time passed quickly without knowing.It's Summer Holiday.We decided to go for a two week trips at Malaysia somewhere at a city call Kuala Lumpur..Unluckily,Mick is following us.I don't feel like want to see him at all.Sigh.However,our air-plane is around 9.30 in the morning.It's a long trip since we live at New Zealand.It takes 10 hours to reach there.I have been force to sit with Mick because Sarah and Jenny doesn't want to sit with me.Obviously,they do it at purpose.I feel dizzy after sit on the air-plane around 3 hours.Thus,i decide to call some drinks and grab some foods to eat.I stand up and walk from there.(I am sitting outside so I no need to pass through Mick)Suddenly,I lost my eyesight.My sight turns dark and i fall down.A huge,loud"POOM"can be heard.My palm is bleeding.
Mick:Are you okay?why are you been so careless???Do you know I will worry?(angry+worry)
I don't even say a word,Mick pull my palms toward his mouth and start to sucks up the blood.I am shock and touched.Finally,my palm stop bleeding.My mind is filled with something in a sudden but i cannot remember it well.I shake my head.
Mick:are you okay?Do you feel dizzy again?Let me bring you to your seat.
Mick brings me to my seat and I sit down while holding my head.Air-stewardess is coming toward us and say..
She:Anything happen here?Can I help you?
Mick:Please brings me a first aid kid and some paracetamol.My girlfriend is hurt.Thank you
She:alright.Please wait for a moment.
I am shock a bit when Mick says I am his girlfriend.Although i still cannot remember him,I can feel that I love this boy deeply before my memory loss.I am still holding my head.I almost remember something but I can't remember what is that.I am mad of myself being so useless and and start to hit my head.Mike pull my hand and hold it tightly.
Mick:what are you doing??!!
I:I almost recall something but i don't know what is that.I am angry of myself now!(crying and i use another hand to hit myself)
Mick:STOP!!Don't hit anymore.Just relax.No one rush you to recall everything.Just relax,okay?
(holding both of my hands)
I:I am sorry.I cannot remember anything.I feel sorry to you.
Mick:It's okay.You will remember it someday.
Mick is still holding my hand tightly and finally i manage to give him a smile.He looks happy when I smile at him.Then,the air stewardess bring us a first aid kid with a wet towel and paracetamol.Mick is so careful when treat on my wound.I asking for myself,"Why can I forget such an important person to me?"Then,I take some paracetamol and I fall asleep.The next time I wake up I am in the hotel.I am shuddering with fear.How can I be here.I wake up from the bed and walk around and I see Mike at the balcony.
I:Why am i here?and why are you here??
Mick:Finally you wake up.Go find your friend.They are at next door.
I:huh??
Mick:yes.They just at next door.I will be here.I just want to take a nap.If you guys want to go anywhere just wake up me,okay?I put the key on that table.
He really looks tired so I don't want bother him.I take the key and go to the next door.
Sarah:Finally,you have wake up!No matter how we call just now you never wake up and don't even open your eyes.You like sleeping like a log.
I:Am I?I don't remember anything.
Jenny:yes.You are.We call you many times in the air-plane but you don't wake up.
Sarah:I think is because you eat the medicine so you sleep so deeply.
I:Then,how come I at here?Do I walk myself to the hotel like a zombies or alien?Haha.
Jenny:No.You don't walk here but someone give you a princess hug and bring you here.
I:Huh?Who??Isn't it you two?HAHAHA
Sarah:Of course not us.You are so heavy.(chuckle)
I:what?!I am not that heavy okay.I am only 45kg.(Angry in a funny way)
Jenny:Is Mick.He carry you along the airport.No matter how people staring at him,he still carry you like a prince.I think he shall be very tired right now.He has lend you his shoulder for almost 5 hours and carry you along the airport.The airport is so far from the air-plane,you know?
I shock in disbelief.My tear roll out secretly and I don't even realize it.
Jenny:Are you okay?don't frighten us!!
I:No,I am okay.Don't worry.I just touch what Mick has did for me.
Sarah:Oh,Cristina..Stop scaring us!Seriously,I never see such a good man like mick.You shall cherish him.
I:But i can;t remember anything about him!how can i cherish him????I really don't know..I really don't know.It is getting complicated now.
I squat down and start to cry.My tears has wetting the mat on the floor.
Jenny:it's okay..It's okay.Don't force yourself to remember anything.You will recall it one day,Okay?
Sarah:Let's us go shopping.Don't think so much.It's just beside our hotel.We wont get lost.=)
Jenny:yes,let's go Cristine.To calm down yourself.
I wipe off my tears and say okay to them.So we go to a shopping mall called Times Square.It is huge enough and the decorations are unique.There are so many peoples when we reach there.We go from one store to another store.We buy things to eat and try every clothes.It is so big until we have no enough time to shopping all the shop.It is 11.00p.m.Suddenly,I remember Mick haven eat so I buy some tea and muffin cups to him at Starbucks.We go back to our hotel.I take the food and go into Mick's room.He is still sleeping.I wonder how exhausted is him to carry me from the airport.I watch him and sit beside the bed.He has a beautiful nose and sexist lips I ever seen.His body his muscular and he has big palms.He is so tall.Is like around 185cm like that while I only 165cm.I looks like a small kid when standing beside him.His skin is smooth and fair when I touch them.He has a beautiful face but why can't I remember this guy?My tears drop again without my knowing while I am still touching Mick.He looks really tired because of me.I say"I am really sorry,i have make you so tired because of me.You have protect me since I loss my memory.How much has I been safe you?I cannot remember.Really.Seriously.I really sorry about everything.I am really sorry I can't remember who are you.I apologize for everything I did to you.I am sorry.I really sorry.I am not deserve for you goods.I am sorry.Please don't help me again.I am not good enough for you.I really feel sorry to you.Please forgive me.I am.."I cannot continue anymore.My tears flow out uncontrollably.I uttered a cry.I elicited a flood of tears.my heart hurt more than i think.I cry non stop.Suddenly,someone holding my hands and wiping my tears.It is Mick.I try to fighting back tears.
Mick:Don't cry and you do not did wrong so don't say sorry to me.I willing do those things for you.
I:I am really sorry.I am really really sorry......
My tears still dropping from my eyes.I don't know why i cannot controls my tear from flowing out.Its just like a broken tap water which the water keeps flowing out.I hate myself.I hate myself.When i wanna take my hand up and want to start to hit myself again,Mick pull me towards him and kiss me again.Another time,he kiss me deeply again.After a while,he pull me out from him and tell me..
Mick:Cristine,don't cry,okay?I don't like to see you cry.You are beloved woman and never let my beloved woman cry in from of me.Fulfill my wishes okay?
I:I am sorry..I am sorry.I really hate myself!I really hate myself!
Mick put his finger on my lips.
Mick:Never say that..Before I hate you,never say you hate yourself.And I never I hate you because I LOVE YOU.When I say I love you I mean forever.(smile sweetly)
My tear really stop flowing.
Mick:And you have wetting my cloth so don't cry=)..You see my cloth,is wet.So stop crying,okay?
I titter.I shriek with laughter.I hug Mick.This is my first time to hug Mick.
I:Thank you,Mick.Thank you.Although I can't remember anything,I still want to thank you.
He pull me back.My eyes lock at his dark,beautiful eyes.The moon is round and beautiful that night.A little soft breeze come in through the window makes the room feel cool.The crescent moonlight has make the scenery even perfect.That night,we kiss again under the sky turning silver with the refection of moonlight before we go on the bed and sleep.the next few days,we have a nice trip around Kuala Lumpur.We have go to Sunway lagoon,Sungai Wang,KLCC tower,underwater and others.The second week,we go to Genting Highland.The place is so cool because it is near to the clouds.And i like it so much when the wind blows toward me.It makes me feel cool.Suddenly,I have a blurred vision.I feel dizzy again.There is a ringing in my ears.I feel unwell.I almost fall down.Again.Luckily,Mick hold me this time.
Mick:are you okay?Your face looks pale.
I:I think I still haven adjust the weather here and maybe is sit too long in the car ride.
Mick:really??
I:yes.Don't worry okay?
Mick:I think I better hold your hand.(smile gorgeously)
Mick hold my hand tightly.I can feel the warmth of his hand.Although it is quite cool now,I feel warmth now because Mick is always beside me.However,Seriously,I really don't feel well and my dizziness is getting more and more recently.What happen to me?I ask myself.Anyway,I tell myself I have think too much and maybe i just be too tired.Then,I enjoy my holiday at Genting Highland with them.We end our holiday at Kuala Lumpur for two weeks.Left another one week,the school will reopen.I have to stay at home to take care my house since my parent has gone to the Paris to do some urgent work.They left me at hoe for two weeks.And i am so boring now.I walk around the house.I walk to the garden and sit on the bench.I am watching the birds fly around the sky an chirping so loud.The sun has shone so bright today.And i like the heat that penetrating by the sunlight to my body.Its feel warmth.The flowers in the garden have bloom beautifully today.I have totally enjoy myself in the garden.I like the garden today.My hand phone is ringing.I decided to get up from the bench and pick up my phone.I feel dizzy again.my vision is getting blurred again.I lost my consciousness for a few seconds then I am back again.I pick up the phone.
I:Hello?who's there?
Mick:Is me,Mick.Are you alone at home?I heard Sarah say your parents has been outstation for two weeks.
I:Y..Y..Ye..Yeee..Yessss...
Mick:Are you okay?Your sound not well..
I:I...a..
My vision gone.Whole world turn black.My body gone limp.I fall to the floor and slowly I clos my eyes..The next moment i wake up is on my bed.
Mick:Are you okay?What have you been fainted recently?Do I need bring you t hospital to has a medical check up?
I:It's okay.Maybe because i sit too long under the sun just now that why i will faint.
Mick:Is it?(worry)
I:Yepp..
I try to smile at Mick.I just don't want he worry anymore.He has done a lot for me.I know my body well because it is my BODY.I know some part of my body has break down.Please,God tell me what has happen to my body.I am scare in a sudden.Constant worry and fear engulf me.
Mick:Are you hungry?Do you have your lunch already?
I:haven't..
Mick:I go prepare some porridge for you since you are not feeling well.Porridge is easier to digest.Is it okay?
I:It's alright=)
I see Mick walk out from my room.I am sitting on the bed and watching the shadow of Mick until he and his shadow has totally left the room.Suddenly,I have a headache.My vision blurred.I have recall something.Someone ever cook porridge for me.I try to recall so hard and finally i get it after struggle for around 15 minutes.I have remember everything.Mick has did this before for me when I am sick.I am happy inmy heart because i have remember everything happen last year.The sweet time I with Mick.I am absolutely marvelous.I get down from my bed and made a dash to the kitchen.I am gasping when i reach at the kitchen.Mick see me.
Mick:What happen?why you get down from the bed?Aren't you ill?Why are you gasping so hard?
Without any words from me,I rush toward Mick and give a hug to him.My tears flow out.This time is not because of sad or hurt but the tear of happiness.I am over the moon.
Mick:Why are you crying again?What is happening?
I:Mick,the secret letter we hide under the tree behind our school because there is where we met for the first time.
Mick:(shock)How..how..how can you know?Aren't you lost your memory?
I:I have recall everything,Mick!I have recall everything!
Mick pull me out from his hug.
Mick:REALLY??
I:Yes!!
I see his a tear rolls down silently from his dark eyes.This is the first time I see he cry.We cry not because sad but is tears of happiness.Then,he hug me again.I absolutely happy that time.Mick has spent his time with me at my house every day until the school reopen again.Summer Holiday end.Its the best summer holidays i ever have.I have gone school as usual.A morning kiss from Mick and we go school together.I tell to Sarah and Jenny that i have recalled for everything.They are so happy for me.I feel glad too.I have a happy times with Mick,Sarah and Jenny in school.I have a sweetest and handsome boyfriend and two loyal and kindest best friends.I feel really happy now until i cannot use any words from dictionary to explain it.However,this happiness doesn't seem stay any longer.One month pass.I know my body is getting weaker from day to day.I am worry but i don't want tell anyone.I don't want they worry with me too.Until one day,I cant hide anymore.I start to lost my appetite.
Sarah:Cristine,are you okay?you seem eat very little from time to time.
I:I am alright.I just eat too full for my breakfast.
I try to smile at them with all my strength.I don't want worry about me so I keep tell myself must be strong.
Mick:Is it?i doesn't see you eat a lot this morning.
I:okay.I eat I eat.
I take the spoon but suddenly it drops from my hand.my hand feel numb.I start to vomit.Again.It's start again.There are ringing in my ears.I feel very uncomfortable.Suddenly,Jenny is shouting.
Jenny:Cristine,WHAT HAPPEN TO YOUR EARS???
There is a fluid come out from my ears.Before I have time to shout,my vision gone again.Another times,I fainted again.The next i wake up is not in the hotel or in m bed room but I am on the hospital bed.Mick beside me and my parent with Sarah and Jenny.
Mick:You have wake up!
Mum:dear,are you okay?
I:yes,I am.What happen to me?Why am i here?
Jenny:calm down.Doctor has did a medical check up but the result haven't out yet.
I am scare.What happen to me?I keep asking myself.Please,who can tell what happen to me.Suddenly,doctor come in.
Mum:Doctor,what has happen to my child?
Doctor:Your daughter has traumatic brain injury.
Mick:What is that?
Doctor:its normally will get by a person after a serious accident happen.
Mum:Isn't it serious and it can be cure right?
Doctor:Unfortunately your daughter disease is so serious i ever seen before.We have to find a new way to cure.Do gives us some times.
Mum:what will she be if no way to cure?
Doctor:She is start to get insomnia and loss appetite.She may has headache too.And last she lose her sight and her hearing at last.And her body system will stop functioning and lastly she will die.But don't worry we will find the way as fast as possible.
Mum:why????????Why is my daughter??(burst in tear)
I:i just want to ask how long can i live in this world?(tear most eyes)
Doctor:Is fast one years.Is late 2 years.But when i see your condition,it is less than two months.
I am shock and sadden by the news.Why god must be so cruel to me?Why god must bring me away?I start burst in tears.My tears flow uncontrollably.Mick is hugging me.My dad walks away from there.I am crying so hard so do Sarah and Jenny.My heart really hurts.
Mick:Don't worry,I will be at your side forever.No matter you cannot see or hear,I will always with you.I will not leave you alone.I will fight the disease together with you.Don't worry.I will protect you forever and ever.Don't cry,okay?
I know Mick will be with me.I know he is crying too.I know.I try fight back my tears and say..
I:i am sorry i can't be with you.I am sorry I can't be with you forever.I am sorry.
I look at his wet dark eyes when i say those words.I am scare i am not able to see this beautiful eyes anymore.I am scare to lost Mick.I scare to lost my beloved family and friends.I am really scare.Mike looks at me too.His tears keep flowing down while touching my face.I know he is scare too.He hugs me so tightly after that.I am crying non stop under his arm.I am scare of leaving this arm.I am scare.Who can tell me what to do now?Why is me?I cry and cry until i fall asleep in his arm.When i wakes up its already pass three days.I am shock.How can i sleep so long.Doctor tell me it is one of the symptoms of traumatic brain injury.Ones who get this injury is hard for him/her to wake up from their sleep as long as they fall asleep.I do not eat much and i don't sleep again since I wake up that day.Mick and my friends will come and visit me as long as they finish school.Especially Mick.He has skipped so much class because of me.I feel guilty.My body is getting weaker.I start to have a symptoms to lost my view and hearing.I am scare.I am frighten.I tell myself not to cry.I will live happily for the time I left.And now then I understand Time is Precious and Money is not everything because money can buy back my healthy.But I feel lucky because God let me meet Mick and Sarah them.Mick is a good man.And I love him so much.But I am sorry to him because i cannot with him forever.Every morning,Mick come to hospital and bring me breakfast.Then,he went to school.In the afternoon,he bring me lunch in hurry and back to school again.At night,he stay with me until midnight then he go back home.He looks tired and i feel sorry.But let me be selfish only for this once because I have no much time left.I am sorry.Doctor comes in in a sudden and tells me something make me a bit happy.Then,Mick come in the evening.
Mick:Are you feeling well today?
I:yes.Mick..can we go to the place where we hide our secret letter?I scare i cannot see them anymore.
I try to stand for my tears and so do Mick.
Mick:Okay.
Mick ask the permission from the doctor and bring me to the place.
I:I really miss here a lot.Can we dig out the secret letters?Let's us write a new before i died.
I see his tear drop but he turns away.I know he don't want me to see it so i pretend i don't see anything.
Mick:Okay!(try to smile)
We write something new and put back into the box and put it in the soil again.
I:please read my letter after i have die,okay mick?
Mick:O..Okay(chocking with tears)
I try to smile at him although my heart really hurts this time.I am sorry i cannot make you happy,Mick.I am sorry i always make you worry,Mick.Mick brings me back to the hospital.Suddenly,i hear a conversation between my parent in the ward.I ask Mick not to enter first.
Mum:What are you saying,BASTARD!She is your daughter,
Dad:I know.But we are famous people.I have a lot of friends know me.Every of our children has become a useful person too.Like david(Cristine's brother),he has become a famous doctor and Mandy(Cristine's daughter)she has become a famous lawyer.But how come this little daughter need to destroy our high reputation??I just want to protect our reputation!
Mum:Cristine is also our daughter!!
Dad:Yes,She is.But she will die soon.Why don't we leave her now before our reputation being affected??its for her and our own good.
Mum:I..I..I..I..okay..........
My heart really hurt deeply this time.My parent is going to give up me.My tears returned.I run away from there.Mick shout my name and is been heard by my parent.They are shock.I run and run and run.I fall down again this time.I cry on the spot.Mick get me up.He hug me and try to comfort me.I am glad because Mick always stay beside me.Then,i walk back to the ward with Mick after crying for half an hour.I see my parent still in the ward.
Mum:are you okay?
I bend my leg on the floor.
Mum:What are you doing?!Get up faster.You are ill!!
I:Please..Please don't give up me.I need your support right now.I don't want to be your burden.But please please don't give up me
I keep on crying when i saying those words.
Mum:I..I..I..
Dad:you have seriously affect our reputation.We just want to protect our family good name.
I crawl toward my dad and crying sobly.
I:please..You two are my parent.Don't give up me.I still don't want to give up my life.Please...
Dad:i please you.Sacrisfy a bit for this family.I just wan to protect our family name.Please..
I am speechless.I shall not be a burden for them after hearing what my dad saying.finally i say..
I:I am sorry.You guys can leave now and never enter here anymore.I don't know who are you.(fight back my tears)
dad:Before that,Sign this first.
My dad hand me a document.It is about a document of disconnect between parents and children.
Dad:after you have sign this,you will not be in this family members anymore.
I:Do you have to do until like this?
My dad nodded.
I:before i sign,I just want to thank you you two for caring and taking care me so many years.In my heart,both of you always my only parent.
My tears drop on the paper when I sign on it.I see my mother crying too bot not my dad.They walk out from the room.I am crying like a baby.Mick rush toward me and hug me.
Mick:Don't cry,okay?They don't deserve it.They are not your parent anymore.They are bastards.So don't cry for bastard.i always be with you.
Mick is hugging me so tight and I know he really will be my side.I don't sleep that night.The next morning,Mick come..
I:Mick,I got something to tell you.
Mick:Yes??
I:you will become father soon...
Mick:You have our baby?
I:yes=)
Mick:It's it okay for you to pregnant now?Is it dangerous to your life?
I:Erm..No..Doctor is it good because pregnant can slower down the process and extend my life time.
Mick:really?Don't lie me okay.
From that day on,Mike does not go school anymore so do Sarah and Jenny after they hear the news between me and my parent..NO..Not my parent anymore.Is strangers.They accompany me daily.They tell jokes to me and talk to me.Slowly,I lost my hearing.But i pretend i still can hear it because i don't want they worry.They don't even realise it including Mick.Seven month pass.I feel stomachache.Doctor say my baby will come out soon.I enter the operation room and...
**Few year past,I(mick)has gone to the place where i meet Cristine in the first time and I dig out our secret letters.I see the letter that Cristine has written for me.
"Dear Mick,
When you see this letter,maybe i will be somewhere else.I am sorry I can't be with you forever.I am really sorry and thanks for giving me a meaningful life.Thank you for being at my side when I am sick.But i am sorry to lie you when I tell you doctor say pregnant can extend my life time.I am sorry.Actually,I am happy when doctor tell me that i have your baby.But doctor tell me pregnancy will shorten my life time.I tell doctor i have to give birth to this baby because it is our first and the last baby.I really hope to born this baby out.So i tell doctor not to tell you.I am sorry to lie you because i know your attitude.If i tell you the truth,you will not allow me to born the baby,right??haha.Lastly,I just want to say to you no matter how far i go,I will always be with you and I LOVE YOU FOREVER.
From,
Cristine."
My tears drop when i see this letter..I angry of Cristine because she has sacrisfy so much for me.I am sorry for her.Suddenly,someone calling.."dad!dad!"I turn to the back and see my little precious daughter run toward me.I pick her up and bring her back home with the secret letters.
Thank you,Cristine for giving such a cute and obedient daughter and I LOVE YOU FOREVER TOO.
*The End*
Mum:Are you okay now?How do you feel now?I have prepared you some vegetable and fruit salad and chicken pie.Is it okay for you?
I:I feel alright now,mum.Those food is okay for me.
Mum:alright.Faster get ready yourself and I will send you to school.
I:huh?i thought it is holiday now.
Mum:n...n..No..It already end holiday.
I:is it?alright then.I go change my school uniform now.
I walk to the stair while looking at my mum.I can hear my mum is chock with tears.I am so worry.What is exactly happen right now?I ask myself.The most shock me is when the tears flow out from my beloved mum eyes.That is what damn shock me.I pretend I don't see anything and step by step walk into my room.I really feel something wrong.I change my pajamas into school uniform and walk into the kitchen.I take my favourite chicken pie and some vegetable salad,then my mum send me to school.I arrive at school.I go to the notice board and find my name at Form 4 name list.It is so terrible because i cannot find my name in every class.Then,someone call me.Is my friends,Sarah and Jenny.
Sarah:Eh,Cristina.No need to find anymore.You are same class with us:)
I:really??(happy)
Jenny:Yupp.Let's go now.The bell is ringing.Class is going to start
I follow Sarah and Jenny to the classroom.I feel so strange because they bring me to the Form 5 Newton 1.I say..
I:Aren't we Form 4 this year?why are we here?Here is Form 5 block.
Jenny and Sarah look so shock.They whisper among themselves.I really think they are retarded by bringing me to Form 5 class.
Jenny:Cristina,we have ended our form 4 last year.Don't you remember?Today is the new year.
I:NO..We are Form 3 last year(protest with anger)
Sarah:Cristina,Are you sure you recover now?
I:Huh?Do i sick?
Sarah:last time you.............
Jenny close Sarah's mouth in a sudden and say
Jenny:No.You are no sick.Let's get into the class now.We also shock when we see our name at form 5 name list.Maybe we are too smart so no need to study Form 4:)
I:Owh.Okay
I feel weird about their response when i say we are in Form 4 class.Am i wrong?What actually happen to me?I walk into the class.Everyone give me a strange look.I sit beside Jenny.Teacher come in.I have my Physic class.Two hour and half past.It's recess time.I am having my cheese cake with Jenny and Sarah.Suddenly,a girl come.Without a word,She throw my cheese cake.
Sarah:What the heck are you this bitch doing?
Abby:I?Are you blind?You can't see what i doing?I am throwing her cheese cake.I help her on diet.
Jenny:Abby,You are over!
Abby:I over?!She snatch my boyfriend!I just throw her cake you say I am over?!Fuck you!
I am still blur at there while jenny and Sarah is quarrel with that girl call Abby.I don't know who is her?and why she say I have snatch her boyfriend?I never have boyfriend until now.Impossible I snatch her boyfriend?!Then,I see Abby is holding a chair.I am dumbfounded because she is throwing the chair toward me.The chair is getting nearer and nearer.Suddenly,A boy hold me under his arm and help me block the chair.The chair hit him.I frighten because i see the blood flows out drop by drop from his back.His white uniform has turn into bloody red colour.He is still hugging me.His hand is warm against my wrist.I wonder he can feel my pulse jump.His dark,beautiful eye lock on mine.His eye is so familiar but I really don't know who is him.However,I am so traumatised.He pull me out from his arm.
Mick:Abby!stop it!
Abby:Mick,You are bleeding.I bring you to infirmary.
Mick:NO NEED!!and STOP DISTURBING CRISTINA!
Abby:I..I..
I see Abby cry and run out from the class.The boy call mick turn to me..
Mick:are you okay?You have really shock me.
He suddenly hug me tightly.I never know this guy.I push him away and give him a slap.
I:who are you?!Don't simply touch me!I never know who are you!
Mike:I am mike,Cristina.Don't you remember.We know each other since last year.
I:I don't know you.And please go to infirmary.You are bleeding.
Mike:you are still worry me..
I:I just don't want anything happen to you because you have safe me just now.Don't think too much,okay?
I walk away from there.I sit on the bench at canteen and then I try to think who is that girl and boy.thirty minute past.Class start again.I continue my study and walk back home with Sarah and Jenny.Sarah and Jenny tell my mum my situation in school.Then,I have been bring to general hospital.I waiting outside the room while my mum is discussing my condition with the doctor.one hour past.We go back home.I am so mad and say
I:what is happening to me?What do you guys hide from me?What don't all of you be honest to me?
Mum:I..Dear,You promise me you have to be calm down okay?
I:okay.
I try to calm down to hear my mum explanation.I hear carefully every word she say.
Mum:Cristina,you had met an accident last two month.I mean when you walk back from school.A car lost his control in a sudden and knock down you.There a lot of blood flow out form your body.Then,You had been rush to the hospital.Luckily,the operation had been run sucessfully.But just now the doctor tell me that you have lost your memory for last whole year.But just temporarily okay?temporarily,don't worry k,dear?
I am dumbfounded.I am shock.Totally shock.I run out from the hospital.I hear them call me but I ignored them.I keep thinking what did I do for past one year?Do i miss something?I really can't remember anything.Coastal clouds slowly begin to roll across the evening sky,turning silver with the reflection of the moon.It sign of night time is reach.I walk back home.My mum open the door for me.
Mum:where are you going??You know how worry am i?Do you hungry?Do you want to eat something?
I turn a deaf ear.I ignored what my mum say and go into the room.I take my bath and lay on the bed.I keep thinking how am i going to face everyone and my life tomorrow?Two hour past.An idea pop out from my head.I tell myself i have to find back all the memory I lost.I tell myself,I tell myself until i fall asleep.The next morning.sunlight penetrating through my window and bids chirping happily around the sky.I get down the bed.I dressed myself into school uniform and walk down toward the kitchen.I say morning to my mum.
Mum:morning,dear:)
I:mum,can i have some lasagna for this morning?I feel like want to have it as breakfast.
Mum:alright.Just wait a moment.
Mum look really happy.I take my mouth watering lasagna and go to school.On the way there,I meet Mick.
I:Why are you here?Do you live here?
Mick:no.
I:then?
Mick:just want to see how yours condition.Sarah has told me everything.
I:I am okay now.You can get away from me now.
Mick:I know you have loss your memory.I will help you to find them back,okay?(hold my hand tightly)
I:Pull out your hand!What the heck are you doing?
Without a word,Mick pull me toward him and kiss me.I am shock and i want to get out from him but I can't.He hold me too tight.When his lips touch mine,it is soft and gentle.His kiss is sweet and familiar too.It is like we have did this before many times.I cannot control myself not to kiss him back.Its like he has controlled my lips and my body.I don't care whether other people stare at us or not.In my mind,I tell myself I need him.I need his lips,I need his body and I need everything about him.My heartbeat skip double times.Slowly,we stop.I open my eyes slowly and see his blue dark eyes.I am breathless.I am lack of oxygen.I need to gasp for some air.
Mick:I love you.And I really really do.
I:I..I..I am sorry but i really cant remember who are you.I only know you are a boy call Mick.I don't even know other thing about you.(I still gasping for air)
Mick:You no need to know about me.Because i will let you feel about me...
i am speechless when he say those words.My heart beat more than double times.
Mick:let's go school.We are late.From now on,I will accompany you go school everyday.:)
He hold my hand and we run to school.His palm is warm and what shock me is I like it so much.I hope this guy call Mick will hold my hand forever.Then,we reach school.Mick see me enter my class then he go back to his class.I sit down and the class start.Recess time.Sarah and Jenny come to me.
Sarah:Have you remember something?Why do you come with Mick?
Jenny:yupp.Do you remember anything?
I:I don't.Mick is waiting near my house this morning.He follows me go school.
Sarah:Owh.It's okay then.I thought you remember something.
I smile with my sweetest smile at her.Time passed quickly without knowing.It's Summer Holiday.We decided to go for a two week trips at Malaysia somewhere at a city call Kuala Lumpur..Unluckily,Mick is following us.I don't feel like want to see him at all.Sigh.However,our air-plane is around 9.30 in the morning.It's a long trip since we live at New Zealand.It takes 10 hours to reach there.I have been force to sit with Mick because Sarah and Jenny doesn't want to sit with me.Obviously,they do it at purpose.I feel dizzy after sit on the air-plane around 3 hours.Thus,i decide to call some drinks and grab some foods to eat.I stand up and walk from there.(I am sitting outside so I no need to pass through Mick)Suddenly,I lost my eyesight.My sight turns dark and i fall down.A huge,loud"POOM"can be heard.My palm is bleeding.
Mick:Are you okay?why are you been so careless???Do you know I will worry?(angry+worry)
I don't even say a word,Mick pull my palms toward his mouth and start to sucks up the blood.I am shock and touched.Finally,my palm stop bleeding.My mind is filled with something in a sudden but i cannot remember it well.I shake my head.
Mick:are you okay?Do you feel dizzy again?Let me bring you to your seat.
Mick brings me to my seat and I sit down while holding my head.Air-stewardess is coming toward us and say..
She:Anything happen here?Can I help you?
Mick:Please brings me a first aid kid and some paracetamol.My girlfriend is hurt.Thank you
She:alright.Please wait for a moment.
I am shock a bit when Mick says I am his girlfriend.Although i still cannot remember him,I can feel that I love this boy deeply before my memory loss.I am still holding my head.I almost remember something but I can't remember what is that.I am mad of myself being so useless and and start to hit my head.Mike pull my hand and hold it tightly.
Mick:what are you doing??!!
I:I almost recall something but i don't know what is that.I am angry of myself now!(crying and i use another hand to hit myself)
Mick:STOP!!Don't hit anymore.Just relax.No one rush you to recall everything.Just relax,okay?
(holding both of my hands)
I:I am sorry.I cannot remember anything.I feel sorry to you.
Mick:It's okay.You will remember it someday.
Mick is still holding my hand tightly and finally i manage to give him a smile.He looks happy when I smile at him.Then,the air stewardess bring us a first aid kid with a wet towel and paracetamol.Mick is so careful when treat on my wound.I asking for myself,"Why can I forget such an important person to me?"Then,I take some paracetamol and I fall asleep.The next time I wake up I am in the hotel.I am shuddering with fear.How can I be here.I wake up from the bed and walk around and I see Mike at the balcony.
I:Why am i here?and why are you here??
Mick:Finally you wake up.Go find your friend.They are at next door.
I:huh??
Mick:yes.They just at next door.I will be here.I just want to take a nap.If you guys want to go anywhere just wake up me,okay?I put the key on that table.
He really looks tired so I don't want bother him.I take the key and go to the next door.
Sarah:Finally,you have wake up!No matter how we call just now you never wake up and don't even open your eyes.You like sleeping like a log.
I:Am I?I don't remember anything.
Jenny:yes.You are.We call you many times in the air-plane but you don't wake up.
Sarah:I think is because you eat the medicine so you sleep so deeply.
I:Then,how come I at here?Do I walk myself to the hotel like a zombies or alien?Haha.
Jenny:No.You don't walk here but someone give you a princess hug and bring you here.
I:Huh?Who??Isn't it you two?HAHAHA
Sarah:Of course not us.You are so heavy.(chuckle)
I:what?!I am not that heavy okay.I am only 45kg.(Angry in a funny way)
Jenny:Is Mick.He carry you along the airport.No matter how people staring at him,he still carry you like a prince.I think he shall be very tired right now.He has lend you his shoulder for almost 5 hours and carry you along the airport.The airport is so far from the air-plane,you know?
I shock in disbelief.My tear roll out secretly and I don't even realize it.
Jenny:Are you okay?don't frighten us!!
I:No,I am okay.Don't worry.I just touch what Mick has did for me.
Sarah:Oh,Cristina..Stop scaring us!Seriously,I never see such a good man like mick.You shall cherish him.
I:But i can;t remember anything about him!how can i cherish him????I really don't know..I really don't know.It is getting complicated now.
I squat down and start to cry.My tears has wetting the mat on the floor.
Jenny:it's okay..It's okay.Don't force yourself to remember anything.You will recall it one day,Okay?
Sarah:Let's us go shopping.Don't think so much.It's just beside our hotel.We wont get lost.=)
Jenny:yes,let's go Cristine.To calm down yourself.
I wipe off my tears and say okay to them.So we go to a shopping mall called Times Square.It is huge enough and the decorations are unique.There are so many peoples when we reach there.We go from one store to another store.We buy things to eat and try every clothes.It is so big until we have no enough time to shopping all the shop.It is 11.00p.m.Suddenly,I remember Mick haven eat so I buy some tea and muffin cups to him at Starbucks.We go back to our hotel.I take the food and go into Mick's room.He is still sleeping.I wonder how exhausted is him to carry me from the airport.I watch him and sit beside the bed.He has a beautiful nose and sexist lips I ever seen.His body his muscular and he has big palms.He is so tall.Is like around 185cm like that while I only 165cm.I looks like a small kid when standing beside him.His skin is smooth and fair when I touch them.He has a beautiful face but why can't I remember this guy?My tears drop again without my knowing while I am still touching Mick.He looks really tired because of me.I say"I am really sorry,i have make you so tired because of me.You have protect me since I loss my memory.How much has I been safe you?I cannot remember.Really.Seriously.I really sorry about everything.I am really sorry I can't remember who are you.I apologize for everything I did to you.I am sorry.I really sorry.I am not deserve for you goods.I am sorry.Please don't help me again.I am not good enough for you.I really feel sorry to you.Please forgive me.I am.."I cannot continue anymore.My tears flow out uncontrollably.I uttered a cry.I elicited a flood of tears.my heart hurt more than i think.I cry non stop.Suddenly,someone holding my hands and wiping my tears.It is Mick.I try to fighting back tears.
Mick:Don't cry and you do not did wrong so don't say sorry to me.I willing do those things for you.
I:I am really sorry.I am really really sorry......
My tears still dropping from my eyes.I don't know why i cannot controls my tear from flowing out.Its just like a broken tap water which the water keeps flowing out.I hate myself.I hate myself.When i wanna take my hand up and want to start to hit myself again,Mick pull me towards him and kiss me again.Another time,he kiss me deeply again.After a while,he pull me out from him and tell me..
Mick:Cristine,don't cry,okay?I don't like to see you cry.You are beloved woman and never let my beloved woman cry in from of me.Fulfill my wishes okay?
I:I am sorry..I am sorry.I really hate myself!I really hate myself!
Mick put his finger on my lips.
Mick:Never say that..Before I hate you,never say you hate yourself.And I never I hate you because I LOVE YOU.When I say I love you I mean forever.(smile sweetly)
My tear really stop flowing.
Mick:And you have wetting my cloth so don't cry=)..You see my cloth,is wet.So stop crying,okay?
I titter.I shriek with laughter.I hug Mick.This is my first time to hug Mick.
I:Thank you,Mick.Thank you.Although I can't remember anything,I still want to thank you.
He pull me back.My eyes lock at his dark,beautiful eyes.The moon is round and beautiful that night.A little soft breeze come in through the window makes the room feel cool.The crescent moonlight has make the scenery even perfect.That night,we kiss again under the sky turning silver with the refection of moonlight before we go on the bed and sleep.the next few days,we have a nice trip around Kuala Lumpur.We have go to Sunway lagoon,Sungai Wang,KLCC tower,underwater and others.The second week,we go to Genting Highland.The place is so cool because it is near to the clouds.And i like it so much when the wind blows toward me.It makes me feel cool.Suddenly,I have a blurred vision.I feel dizzy again.There is a ringing in my ears.I feel unwell.I almost fall down.Again.Luckily,Mick hold me this time.
Mick:are you okay?Your face looks pale.
I:I think I still haven adjust the weather here and maybe is sit too long in the car ride.
Mick:really??
I:yes.Don't worry okay?
Mick:I think I better hold your hand.(smile gorgeously)
Mick hold my hand tightly.I can feel the warmth of his hand.Although it is quite cool now,I feel warmth now because Mick is always beside me.However,Seriously,I really don't feel well and my dizziness is getting more and more recently.What happen to me?I ask myself.Anyway,I tell myself I have think too much and maybe i just be too tired.Then,I enjoy my holiday at Genting Highland with them.We end our holiday at Kuala Lumpur for two weeks.Left another one week,the school will reopen.I have to stay at home to take care my house since my parent has gone to the Paris to do some urgent work.They left me at hoe for two weeks.And i am so boring now.I walk around the house.I walk to the garden and sit on the bench.I am watching the birds fly around the sky an chirping so loud.The sun has shone so bright today.And i like the heat that penetrating by the sunlight to my body.Its feel warmth.The flowers in the garden have bloom beautifully today.I have totally enjoy myself in the garden.I like the garden today.My hand phone is ringing.I decided to get up from the bench and pick up my phone.I feel dizzy again.my vision is getting blurred again.I lost my consciousness for a few seconds then I am back again.I pick up the phone.
I:Hello?who's there?
Mick:Is me,Mick.Are you alone at home?I heard Sarah say your parents has been outstation for two weeks.
I:Y..Y..Ye..Yeee..Yessss...
Mick:Are you okay?Your sound not well..
I:I...a..
My vision gone.Whole world turn black.My body gone limp.I fall to the floor and slowly I clos my eyes..The next moment i wake up is on my bed.
Mick:Are you okay?What have you been fainted recently?Do I need bring you t hospital to has a medical check up?
I:It's okay.Maybe because i sit too long under the sun just now that why i will faint.
Mick:Is it?(worry)
I:Yepp..
I try to smile at Mick.I just don't want he worry anymore.He has done a lot for me.I know my body well because it is my BODY.I know some part of my body has break down.Please,God tell me what has happen to my body.I am scare in a sudden.Constant worry and fear engulf me.
Mick:Are you hungry?Do you have your lunch already?
I:haven't..
Mick:I go prepare some porridge for you since you are not feeling well.Porridge is easier to digest.Is it okay?
I:It's alright=)
I see Mick walk out from my room.I am sitting on the bed and watching the shadow of Mick until he and his shadow has totally left the room.Suddenly,I have a headache.My vision blurred.I have recall something.Someone ever cook porridge for me.I try to recall so hard and finally i get it after struggle for around 15 minutes.I have remember everything.Mick has did this before for me when I am sick.I am happy inmy heart because i have remember everything happen last year.The sweet time I with Mick.I am absolutely marvelous.I get down from my bed and made a dash to the kitchen.I am gasping when i reach at the kitchen.Mick see me.
Mick:What happen?why you get down from the bed?Aren't you ill?Why are you gasping so hard?
Without any words from me,I rush toward Mick and give a hug to him.My tears flow out.This time is not because of sad or hurt but the tear of happiness.I am over the moon.
Mick:Why are you crying again?What is happening?
I:Mick,the secret letter we hide under the tree behind our school because there is where we met for the first time.
Mick:(shock)How..how..how can you know?Aren't you lost your memory?
I:I have recall everything,Mick!I have recall everything!
Mick pull me out from his hug.
Mick:REALLY??
I:Yes!!
I see his a tear rolls down silently from his dark eyes.This is the first time I see he cry.We cry not because sad but is tears of happiness.Then,he hug me again.I absolutely happy that time.Mick has spent his time with me at my house every day until the school reopen again.Summer Holiday end.Its the best summer holidays i ever have.I have gone school as usual.A morning kiss from Mick and we go school together.I tell to Sarah and Jenny that i have recalled for everything.They are so happy for me.I feel glad too.I have a happy times with Mick,Sarah and Jenny in school.I have a sweetest and handsome boyfriend and two loyal and kindest best friends.I feel really happy now until i cannot use any words from dictionary to explain it.However,this happiness doesn't seem stay any longer.One month pass.I know my body is getting weaker from day to day.I am worry but i don't want tell anyone.I don't want they worry with me too.Until one day,I cant hide anymore.I start to lost my appetite.
Sarah:Cristine,are you okay?you seem eat very little from time to time.
I:I am alright.I just eat too full for my breakfast.
I try to smile at them with all my strength.I don't want worry about me so I keep tell myself must be strong.
Mick:Is it?i doesn't see you eat a lot this morning.
I:okay.I eat I eat.
I take the spoon but suddenly it drops from my hand.my hand feel numb.I start to vomit.Again.It's start again.There are ringing in my ears.I feel very uncomfortable.Suddenly,Jenny is shouting.
Jenny:Cristine,WHAT HAPPEN TO YOUR EARS???
There is a fluid come out from my ears.Before I have time to shout,my vision gone again.Another times,I fainted again.The next i wake up is not in the hotel or in m bed room but I am on the hospital bed.Mick beside me and my parent with Sarah and Jenny.
Mick:You have wake up!
Mum:dear,are you okay?
I:yes,I am.What happen to me?Why am i here?
Jenny:calm down.Doctor has did a medical check up but the result haven't out yet.
I am scare.What happen to me?I keep asking myself.Please,who can tell what happen to me.Suddenly,doctor come in.
Mum:Doctor,what has happen to my child?
Doctor:Your daughter has traumatic brain injury.
Mick:What is that?
Doctor:its normally will get by a person after a serious accident happen.
Mum:Isn't it serious and it can be cure right?
Doctor:Unfortunately your daughter disease is so serious i ever seen before.We have to find a new way to cure.Do gives us some times.
Mum:what will she be if no way to cure?
Doctor:She is start to get insomnia and loss appetite.She may has headache too.And last she lose her sight and her hearing at last.And her body system will stop functioning and lastly she will die.But don't worry we will find the way as fast as possible.
Mum:why????????Why is my daughter??(burst in tear)
I:i just want to ask how long can i live in this world?(tear most eyes)
Doctor:Is fast one years.Is late 2 years.But when i see your condition,it is less than two months.
I am shock and sadden by the news.Why god must be so cruel to me?Why god must bring me away?I start burst in tears.My tears flow uncontrollably.Mick is hugging me.My dad walks away from there.I am crying so hard so do Sarah and Jenny.My heart really hurts.
Mick:Don't worry,I will be at your side forever.No matter you cannot see or hear,I will always with you.I will not leave you alone.I will fight the disease together with you.Don't worry.I will protect you forever and ever.Don't cry,okay?
I know Mick will be with me.I know he is crying too.I know.I try fight back my tears and say..
I:i am sorry i can't be with you.I am sorry I can't be with you forever.I am sorry.
I look at his wet dark eyes when i say those words.I am scare i am not able to see this beautiful eyes anymore.I am scare to lost Mick.I scare to lost my beloved family and friends.I am really scare.Mike looks at me too.His tears keep flowing down while touching my face.I know he is scare too.He hugs me so tightly after that.I am crying non stop under his arm.I am scare of leaving this arm.I am scare.Who can tell me what to do now?Why is me?I cry and cry until i fall asleep in his arm.When i wakes up its already pass three days.I am shock.How can i sleep so long.Doctor tell me it is one of the symptoms of traumatic brain injury.Ones who get this injury is hard for him/her to wake up from their sleep as long as they fall asleep.I do not eat much and i don't sleep again since I wake up that day.Mick and my friends will come and visit me as long as they finish school.Especially Mick.He has skipped so much class because of me.I feel guilty.My body is getting weaker.I start to have a symptoms to lost my view and hearing.I am scare.I am frighten.I tell myself not to cry.I will live happily for the time I left.And now then I understand Time is Precious and Money is not everything because money can buy back my healthy.But I feel lucky because God let me meet Mick and Sarah them.Mick is a good man.And I love him so much.But I am sorry to him because i cannot with him forever.Every morning,Mick come to hospital and bring me breakfast.Then,he went to school.In the afternoon,he bring me lunch in hurry and back to school again.At night,he stay with me until midnight then he go back home.He looks tired and i feel sorry.But let me be selfish only for this once because I have no much time left.I am sorry.Doctor comes in in a sudden and tells me something make me a bit happy.Then,Mick come in the evening.
Mick:Are you feeling well today?
I:yes.Mick..can we go to the place where we hide our secret letter?I scare i cannot see them anymore.
I try to stand for my tears and so do Mick.
Mick:Okay.
Mick ask the permission from the doctor and bring me to the place.
I:I really miss here a lot.Can we dig out the secret letters?Let's us write a new before i died.
I see his tear drop but he turns away.I know he don't want me to see it so i pretend i don't see anything.
Mick:Okay!(try to smile)
We write something new and put back into the box and put it in the soil again.
I:please read my letter after i have die,okay mick?
Mick:O..Okay(chocking with tears)
I try to smile at him although my heart really hurts this time.I am sorry i cannot make you happy,Mick.I am sorry i always make you worry,Mick.Mick brings me back to the hospital.Suddenly,i hear a conversation between my parent in the ward.I ask Mick not to enter first.
Mum:What are you saying,BASTARD!She is your daughter,
Dad:I know.But we are famous people.I have a lot of friends know me.Every of our children has become a useful person too.Like david(Cristine's brother),he has become a famous doctor and Mandy(Cristine's daughter)she has become a famous lawyer.But how come this little daughter need to destroy our high reputation??I just want to protect our reputation!
Mum:Cristine is also our daughter!!
Dad:Yes,She is.But she will die soon.Why don't we leave her now before our reputation being affected??its for her and our own good.
Mum:I..I..I..I..okay..........
My heart really hurt deeply this time.My parent is going to give up me.My tears returned.I run away from there.Mick shout my name and is been heard by my parent.They are shock.I run and run and run.I fall down again this time.I cry on the spot.Mick get me up.He hug me and try to comfort me.I am glad because Mick always stay beside me.Then,i walk back to the ward with Mick after crying for half an hour.I see my parent still in the ward.
Mum:are you okay?
I bend my leg on the floor.
Mum:What are you doing?!Get up faster.You are ill!!
I:Please..Please don't give up me.I need your support right now.I don't want to be your burden.But please please don't give up me
I keep on crying when i saying those words.
Mum:I..I..I..
Dad:you have seriously affect our reputation.We just want to protect our family good name.
I crawl toward my dad and crying sobly.
I:please..You two are my parent.Don't give up me.I still don't want to give up my life.Please...
Dad:i please you.Sacrisfy a bit for this family.I just wan to protect our family name.Please..
I am speechless.I shall not be a burden for them after hearing what my dad saying.finally i say..
I:I am sorry.You guys can leave now and never enter here anymore.I don't know who are you.(fight back my tears)
dad:Before that,Sign this first.
My dad hand me a document.It is about a document of disconnect between parents and children.
Dad:after you have sign this,you will not be in this family members anymore.
I:Do you have to do until like this?
My dad nodded.
I:before i sign,I just want to thank you you two for caring and taking care me so many years.In my heart,both of you always my only parent.
My tears drop on the paper when I sign on it.I see my mother crying too bot not my dad.They walk out from the room.I am crying like a baby.Mick rush toward me and hug me.
Mick:Don't cry,okay?They don't deserve it.They are not your parent anymore.They are bastards.So don't cry for bastard.i always be with you.
Mick is hugging me so tight and I know he really will be my side.I don't sleep that night.The next morning,Mick come..
I:Mick,I got something to tell you.
Mick:Yes??
I:you will become father soon...
Mick:You have our baby?
I:yes=)
Mick:It's it okay for you to pregnant now?Is it dangerous to your life?
I:Erm..No..Doctor is it good because pregnant can slower down the process and extend my life time.
Mick:really?Don't lie me okay.
From that day on,Mike does not go school anymore so do Sarah and Jenny after they hear the news between me and my parent..NO..Not my parent anymore.Is strangers.They accompany me daily.They tell jokes to me and talk to me.Slowly,I lost my hearing.But i pretend i still can hear it because i don't want they worry.They don't even realise it including Mick.Seven month pass.I feel stomachache.Doctor say my baby will come out soon.I enter the operation room and...
**Few year past,I(mick)has gone to the place where i meet Cristine in the first time and I dig out our secret letters.I see the letter that Cristine has written for me.
"Dear Mick,
When you see this letter,maybe i will be somewhere else.I am sorry I can't be with you forever.I am really sorry and thanks for giving me a meaningful life.Thank you for being at my side when I am sick.But i am sorry to lie you when I tell you doctor say pregnant can extend my life time.I am sorry.Actually,I am happy when doctor tell me that i have your baby.But doctor tell me pregnancy will shorten my life time.I tell doctor i have to give birth to this baby because it is our first and the last baby.I really hope to born this baby out.So i tell doctor not to tell you.I am sorry to lie you because i know your attitude.If i tell you the truth,you will not allow me to born the baby,right??haha.Lastly,I just want to say to you no matter how far i go,I will always be with you and I LOVE YOU FOREVER.
From,
Cristine."
My tears drop when i see this letter..I angry of Cristine because she has sacrisfy so much for me.I am sorry for her.Suddenly,someone calling.."dad!dad!"I turn to the back and see my little precious daughter run toward me.I pick her up and bring her back home with the secret letters.
Thank you,Cristine for giving such a cute and obedient daughter and I LOVE YOU FOREVER TOO.
*The End*
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Tired
I,belinda tang is really tired now.I know.i know.My parent are more tired than me.I know i have choose a hard pathway.I know it.I know i choose become a pharmacy.I know its a hard pathway.I know.i know what are you guys thinking.And i am scare too.I scare i choose wrong pathway.I scare i will give up halfway.I am scare too.I am scare to waste your guy money.I am scare.I am scare to death.I am scare than anyone of you.Nobody is more scare than me.But you guys don't know how scare am i.Although you guys don't say so clear to ask me become a teacher,i know what is in your mind.I am not that stupid.i know in the family i am the most stupid children.I know.I know that.But i am not stupid until that.Sometimes,actually i know it and understand it but just wan to make my lovely family members happy,i pretend don't know anything.Although being say stupid,when see you guys smile,i rather being say stupid.Just because i want a happy family,Its that hard?its that wrong?I know i am not the best daughter but i just want to give my family the best.I study because of my parents.Now,i want study pharmacist also because want to earn more money an give my parents a good life.Is that wrong?Yes.I am scare.I am scare i can't read all along to become a pharmacist.I really scare.Yes.I know i am useless.I do anything you guys never appreciate it.But i tell myself you all are my family so i have to stand for it.I cant blame all of you.Sometimes,i am pissed off because you guys have really made me angry and hurt too.How any times i have to cry for you guys?i ever want to cry in front all of you but i tell myself i have to stand it because o don't want you guys too worry about me.I don't want to become your burden.I really don't want to become a burden in this family.If you want me to become a teacher then i go become teacher.I am really tired..
Friday, December 10, 2010
Outta mind!
I just sitting for my Spm examination few days ago.Now waiting for my result.Hope i can get a quite result.a result that can let my parents proud on me.I am really try my best in my exam and u scare of the result too.I know my own sickness.I am sorry to God.i never do it again.I hope God can forgive me.God please bless me.I promise i will always do good things.And god now is a late night.Everybody are in their sweet dreams now.I am feeling bothering now.I don't know what pathway i shall choose for the future.I scare if i have choose a pathway but my result come out is not that good i have to think a new pathway again.i am really scare now.Before this,I study so hard because i want my parent no need so worry about me.I really don't think about what shall i do in the future.I really don't think which school i shall study for the next year.Now,i really hope i still in secondary school.No need to think so much just wait for next year to attend school.I hope God can give me so clue what suppose i be in the future.What i think now is study hard work hard and let my parent have a good life.But i scare the adult life.Its look so complicated.Everybody has to be careful at every steps they take.If accidentally take one wrong step,they will die.Isn't adult life look so terrify?everywhere is competition.Here compete their compete.Aren't they tired of it?before this has war and now even worse than war.I really outta of my mind!
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Freedom
Finally i am free!finally put down my burden.I feel so free right now.Now just can pray to God so that i can get a good result for my Spm.I dont want my parent dissapoint on me.
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